Thursday, January 5, 2012

Close Encounters of the Ugly Kind-Chihuahua Mystery Unraveled

It's been a rough week around here for me. As you know Mom has had the graine headache, which I am becoming suspicious of. I am thinking maybe, just maybe, she is just enjoying this "laying around in the dark watching TV all day"  business and is going to drag it out as long as she can. Come on, does she really think we are buying that chocolate candy bars and fast food is the recommended treatment for a graine?

Then night before last as Mom was having one of her "treatments" in front of the television the phone rang, or maybe I should clarify that since we were still in the midst of the noise ban, the phone flashed. She fought her way through the empty candy wrappers to answer it. As she talked I could see The Look. Every time Mom gets The Look something is going to happen and from past experience I know it isn't going to be something I like. She hung up, cried for a bit and went into action. She was moving so fast that her Snuggie produced tornado like winds, it was a sight to see. There was a fast and furious assault of phone calls and with each one Mom is getting angrier. Seeing Mom angry is very foreign to me, I have only seen this once or twice in my lifetime because crazy as she is my Mom keeps it together in just about any situation. Since she seems to only have three triggers that will make her this angry I know it is either going to involve one of my human siblings or an animal  being hurt or Obama has done something else incredibly stupid. Since it was close to the midnight hour and highly unlikely that anyone from the White House was calling Mom directly to bitch about it I ruled out Obama. She wakes My Boy up and they leave. Yes, left me here all alone, at night, uncrated. This was serious. I was a very good girl and didn't bother anything while she was gone just in case it was Obama and she brought him back to the house or something. What if he brought his wife too? The man scares me and that wife of his looks like she might eat small children or pugs for breakfast everyday. I was taking no chances. Let's just say I was "Scared Straight".

She came back in about an hour and I got really excited because she came in carrying a new dog bed, leash and collar (Pink camouflage, I LOVE pink camouflage!), new treats and new stuffies. OMD my Mom went shopping and brought me a bunch of new goodies!!! Wait....what was that in My Boys arms? I went closer for a better look and recoiled in horror. It was another Tucker, only this one was white. I had a moment of relief just knowing she hadn't cloned him. I know it isn't possible for this one to be as bad as him without scientific interference. But still, it was a damn Chihuahua! I went looking for my spork, prepared to defend my home.

The terrifying realization that Turdley Tucker isn't the only one of them in the world was sobering. I decided to observe this breed from a safe distance on the opposite side of the room, spork in close reach. Is that teeny tiny mouth they have really useful? Anyway, after careful consideration and with my vast knowledge of genetics I came to the conclusion that the Chihuahua can only be a hybrid.

The Naked Mole Rat

The common Rat

The Aye-Aye

A mounted Chupacabra

1st evidence photo of DNA mingling aka "Tucker".  Scientific name: Turdley Chupacabra Tuckerus

2nd evidence photo of DNA mingling aka The One Mom Brought Home. This one has yet to be given a scientific name as testing is still underway.

In conclusion my professional opinion is that the Chihuahua is a result of DNA mingling of the Naked Mole Rat, the common Rat, the Aye Aye and the Chupacabra. Further DNA analysis will be needed to determine what percentage of genes each one has contributed to produce the breed we know as "Chihuahua". 

We are pleased to report that the Chihuahua (in the picture above)that Mom went to rescue is now living with my human sister and dearly loved.


  1. My mom is laughing so hard at your post. I can't seem to figure out which part is making her laugh the hardest, the Obama part or the Chupacabra Chihuahua part.

    Granted, I think the Obama thing was really funny cause he does stupid stuff all the time, but the Chupacabra Chihuahua part? Oh you have got to be kidding know that I am a Chihuahua and I happen to think that I am the most wonderful thing, ever...right!?!?

    Anyhoo, thanks for making mom laugh, it might take some of the heat off me today. She says I have been bad.


  2. Lola Pugrent, you are a national treasure, along with Lola. To hell with cloning Tucker, clone your mind and set this country free!


  3. I so like the way your mind works. Unlike most of these dogs with blogs, you really research the subject matter and write intelligent, well thought out posts and I believe every word. I hope that new thing is just a temporary "guest." It sounds positively vile. Oh, and your description of the Obamas was spot on. I truly love your blog.

  4. Turdley Chupacabra Tuckerus

    BAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! That is possibly the funniest thing I have heard in the past 12 months (I have a monster chihuahua cousin Evil Tinkerbell). I'm sure the new white rat will be super awesome for your mom's graine headache. Good luck with that hot mess.


  5. Tucker has written his own definition of the Pug in retaliation on his blog.

  6. What a great story! Mom and I can't stand Obama or his wife, she looks like she'd eat Doxies for desert! And you can't turn the TV on without seeing her
    Kisses and Tail Wags,
    Dachshund Nola

  7. Oh Lola! I was sceared at first that your mama had brought home a naked mole rat. While I would want a naked mole rat to be safe & all, I was not going to love looking at the pictures. A BIG THANK YOU to your mama for making sure the little one is safe.

    Pauley James

  8. My mom is laughing so hard, but Lola, I think I am traumatized after seeing all of those horrid pictures. I will need to cuddle close to my mom tonight because I'm sure nightmares are inevitable.
    PS. Mr. Turdley better think before he says too many bad things about pugs. We outnumber him and are bigger!

  9. BOL ... you scared our mama with some of those pictures. She said she will probably have nightmares! Love Zoe, Peyton, Webster & Liberty

  10. Oh Lola you are super funny, at least my human says so, she also says good on your mum for getting up and helping that little dog. Personally I couldn't stop barking at those photos, I don't want anything even vaguely related to those creatures coming to my house!