Friday, December 2, 2011

There Is A Difference!

There are a few misconceptions that I feel need to be cleared up in the best interest of all the Pugs in the world. I think it is time for a little education for those poor deprived and misguided people who are not owned by a Pug.

Spoiled vs Needs. There is a difference. We have needs, important and major needs. For instance I NEED to sit in Mom's lap while she is putting on makeup. I NEED to go with her every time she walks out the door. I NEED to watch the weather channel when begging to go with her doesn't work. I NEED the fluffiest pillow in bed at night. I NEED to attack Turdley Tucker when he is unfortunate enough to cross my path. I NEED new clothes, no self respecting lady pug is going to wear the same outfit twice! I NEED to de-stuff all my toys within 5 minutes of them entering the house. I NEED frequent treats to make me feel loved and wanted. I NEED that one bulb on the Christmas tree, that is my bulb and I will have it eventually, I don't care how high she keeps moving it up on the tree. I NEED to go to the bathroom with her, people this is my Mom we are talking about, do you really think she is capable of wiping her ass by herself? I think not. I NEED to jump in the bathtub while she is bathing, for pretty much the same reason, if she can't wipe her own ass I am pretty sure she can't wash it by herself either. I NEED to sit under her feet while she is cooking, I like a clean kitchen floor and it is my job to keep it that way. I NEED to see what is in that trash can, what if she throws some of my stuff away? I NEED to chew on Moms hair while we watch TV or sleep at night. I NEED to eat 26 well balanced meals a day. I NEED to lick Mom in the face after licking my ass. I NEED to have, at the very least, 1/2 of the couch when napping. I NEED to have my food bowl placed on that pretty pink mat. I NEED that fancy pink four poster bed that I never sleep in and Mom threatens to give away. We have NEEDS many, many needs but we are NOT spoiled!

The Scream vs The Bark . There is a difference. What, you would rather hear a bark? You think we should act like any other dog and just do a boring bark? Not me. I am going to scream and scream and scream. If the police show up again to see who is being abused in this house then Mom can handle it. She did good the first time I have faith she can do it again. I have learned a bark will get you a "Lola, be quiet" but The Scream gets you almost anything, instantly. They will jump through hoops to keep you from doing The Scream. If you can do it in the middle of PetSmart or the Vet's office it has even more effect. So fellow Pugs, chant with me now, Long Live The Scream! Long Live The Scream! Long Live The Scream!

Fat vs Fluffy Handles. There is a difference. Those are not fat rolls you see on us. They are kind of like the "Oh shit!" handles you see in cars. They make it easier to grab us as we whiz by in an attempt to escape out the front door, attack Turdley Tucker, snatch your candy bar off the coffee table and run with it, steal toys from small children and run, try to hide under the bed, catch us when we fall asleep in your lap and roll over suddenly, we would surely fall to our death if not for those "Oh Pug" handles. They are a convenience built in to us to make life easier for our Moms and safer for us. They are an important tool so use them wisely.

Educating Pugs vs Getting Into Things. There is a difference. This one is a little hard to describe and even harder to make Mom understand. I am not just getting into things. It is a form of self education. Just like a small baby explores the world with their hands and mouth, we Pugs do this too. I am a very smart girl because of this. I know the size and shape of Turdley Tucker's wee little head by exploring it with my mouth. I have learned about speed by simply chewing up a $1 and a $10 bill and observing the reaction of the humans, you chew faster if it is a $10 bill. I have learned compassion, I do feel sorry for Tucker when I chew up his favorite toys. I like to show him compassion so much that I try to do this at least once a week. I have learned "cause and effect" by chewing up all the iPhone chargers in the house. I chewed them "cause" I wanted too and My Boy had a fit because I did, creating the "effect".  I have never, not once, chewed up any of Mom's Droid chargers. I know if I do that "cause" I want too then Mom may use my treat money to buy another charger, again creating the "effect".  So many things to learn in this world!

Pug vs Chihuahua. There is a difference. What is up with those ears! We both have ears, the Pug ear however is perky and cute. The Chihuahua ear is rather like a satallite dish, they even rotate slightly when trying to locate sound.  The mouth. OMG have you ever seen that tiny, tiny mouth on a Chihuahua? Mom even mashes up this boy's food to help him out. I'm telling you the day I have to have ANY food mashed for me is the day I turn in my Pug Slut badge and will hang my head in shame at the doorway to the Sunshine Club! The walk. Have you ever noticed how a Chihuahua walks? They prance, like tiny little deers. The Pug prefers to just barrel on through like a tank. I am not prancing for anybody, it just goes against everything I believe in. The Pug is most definitely a superior breed.

These are just a few observations, I have many more but Mom is grumbling at me to hurry up because she has to go somewhere and needs me to wrap up this blog. I will most likely educate myself some more while she is gone....

that is after I finish my sleep is important.


  1. Lola, you are so wise beyond your years! You said it so perfectly. Now hopefully our peeps and non-pug people will take note! Have a fun weekend self educating yourself!

  2. Lola, this here is AnnieBee, your devotee, LONG LIVE THE SCREAM!!!!!
    love and kisses with little hearts as dots over the "i's"

  3. So wise! BOL and so true!
    Kisses and Tail Wags,
    Dachshund Nola

  4. Hi Lola
    LONG LIVE THE SCREAM. I use it and never abuse it. . . although I have no idea what abusing such a powerful tool would be.
    Love Noodles

  5. Lola, we humans evidently have a lot to learn as well but pug or not, you're not wiping my..........well you get the drift!


  6. @Payton's Grampy-If you ever change your mind you know how to get in touch with me....

  7. Ha ha ha, what a message between you and Payton's Grampy....

    You are too cute! Love your thoughts and the last picture of you napping with your little tongue peeking out.

    Drools and licks,
    Minnie and Mack

  8. Oh I do agree! You have totally got our "NEEDS" down to a tee here! Very wise Lola, very wise! I love the comment from Payton's Grampy!! I agree with Payton too, hopefully our Pawrents and non-pug people will take note! Also 'The Pug is most definitely a superior breed' I agree, but as I'm half pug does this still count for me?? Love and Licks Frank xxxxxxxxxx

  9. Hey cutie-- you crack us up! You tell it how it is!