Sunday, August 19, 2012
Interview With Lola
I sat the girl down today and we had a serious talk, it started off trying to figure out the revenge shit every time I go out on my balcony and leave her in the house and well it progressed from there:
1. Me: Lola, why in the hell do you feel the need to shit in front of the refrigerator each and every time I go out. The other day I waited until you ate, then you shit a Great Dane size shit on your paper. I thought it was then safe to go outside. I wasn't gone 10 minutes and what do I find? Three tiny turds about the size of an M&M each in front of the refrigerator! I almost wish I could have seen you straining to get them out, your bowels had to have been completely empty.
Lola: I really don't see the problem here. It was't like I ask you to come in and strain for me. I managed very well thank you and will continue this habit until you learn to take me outside with you. It is not negotiable. Besides it was only three tiny turds, how hard was that to pick up?
2. Me: Why do you do the things you do?
Lola: Obviously you don't listen to Hank Williams Jr., I do it because it's a family tradition. Passed on from pug to pug for many generations.
3. Me: Why do you have to go to the bathroom with me every time I go?
Lola: Seriously? You really ask me that? Mom you can't walk across the room by yourself with causing self harm in some way. Do you really think I would trust you with your bowels and kidneys? Those are things your going to always need. You can learn to do things with them, just look at what all I have learned using just those two body organs.
4. Me: Ok, so tell me why you throw a fit about getting your nails trimmed?
Lola: No comment
5. Me: What do you think of the way the world is today?
Lola: I don't give it much thought silly woman, I'm a damn dog. Ask me again when the dog food and treat factories go down and we will have something to discuss on this subject.
6. Me: Why do you think you have to have every pillow on the bed or couch?
Lola: Have you looked in the mirror lately? Your days for needing your beauty sleep are way over, mine are just beginning. Do you really want me to go on with this one?
7. Me: Why do you hate Tucker and want to eat him?
Lola: Look Mom, just because you think he is cute doesn't mean everyone does. He is a blood sucking chupacabra leech.
8. Me: Why don't you do tricks?
Lola: Why don't you? You might could buy more treats then.
9. Me: Why are you scared of something one day and then not afraid of the same thing the next day?
Lola: How do I know it didn't become possessed during the night?
10. Me: Why do you get into things your not suppose to have?
Lola: Because all things in and around this house belong to me only. I have the right to get into them. What makes you think you have the right to take them away from me?
11. Lola....Lola....Lola! Come back here, we have a lot more to talk about. I'm not finished yet.
Lola: I am