Initiating a New Groomer Graduate

I get a little excited when I see my harness and leash so Saturday was no exception. I eagerly jumped into the car and even sat patiently waiting to be buckled in. It was a short ride and a dirty trick. We went to the groomers. I really like the groomer people but I hate having my nails clipped. Wanna squeeze out my butt juice? That's fine, doesn't bother me, knock yourself out! Wanna wash my face wrinkles? Yay, I like that, go for it! Wanna give me a bath? Hot damn, I LOVE that, let's get started! Wanna clip my nails? Prepare to die!!!!! It's going to be a fight and I promise you that neither one of us is going to come out of this looking good. I will make you wish you had chosen another career path.

There was a new groomer, she just graduated and I was going to be her first opponent client. She was all smiley and giggly, way to excited about grooming a pug. Mom was nice and ask her if she really wanted to take on a dramatic pug for her first experience. Normally she would just smile slyly and sit back and wait for the show to begin, but she hasn't been herself this weekend and she felt a little sorry for the girl since they gave her a pug for her first client so she wanted to give fair warning. The girl said "Oh, I love pugs, they are the cutest!" Mom said "Yes, they are adorable but I don't think you understand the breed, have you ever actually clipped a pug's nails before" The girl smiles all sweetly and says "No but I'm sure we will get along just fine, you worry too much." Did she really just have the nerve to say that to MY Mom? About ME, her baby? Yes, yes she did and that was her first mistake. Mom isn't feeling so sorry for her now, as a matter of fact now she doesn't even like the girl. Mom tells her she is only allowed to grind my nails (she wasn't going to let a first time groomer near me with clippers considering my ummm...nail clipping history). Then she picked me up, kissed me and whispered to me "Lola, just go in there and be yourself, show this lovely girl how much a pug likes to have their nails clipped" Then she sat back and waited for the show. I delivered.

Mom was in the waiting room sitting on the edge of her seat trying hard not to clap her hands in gleeful anticipation of what was to come. She didn't have to wait long. My butt hit that table, she leashed me and I let out the first ear shattering pug scream. The girl comes flying back into the waiting room looking like  the hounds of hell were chasing her and says "I didn't do anything, I swear, I just sat her on the table and put the leash on and she screamed. Oh my God, what do I do?" Mom looks at her cool as a cucumber and says "Well dear, since your so good at this and we ARE here to get her nails groomed I suggest you go right back in there and grind those nails." If the girl had a tail she would have tucked it between her legs for the long walk back to where I was at. This time I didn't even let her get in the room all the way before letting out a scream, she turned white and ran back to ask Mom to go in with her while she did my nails. Mom didn't mind a bit, she said later it just let her have a visual to go with the audio. So Mom stands in the doorway(she knew she could not console me anyway and getting close to me would only upset me more, we have been down this road before) and the girl slowly approaches me, I am all wiggly butt and tongue flicking so she thinks I have settled down and starts to baby talk to me. I lick her a few times to give her some false security, I like catching them off guard. She picks up my paw and I let out one of my best screams to date. She drops the grinder onto the floor and backs away. Mom tells her I won't bite, I am only going to fight and scream. She doesn't tell her how loud a screaming pug can get, she told me later that she didn't tell her that part because some things you just have to experience for yourself. The girl's confidence is by now duly destroyed but she is a scrapper, she moves back in for round three. From there the entire grooming session went like this: Pick up paw, pug scream, grind first toe, pug scream, rest, pick up paw, pug scream, grind second toe, pug scream, rest......repeat this for all four paws and each toe. At the end of 45 minutes we are done. I am covered in slobber and foaming at the mouth and you can just see the fear in the girl's eyes because she is terrified Mom is going to ask her to bath me next. She would never believe at this point that a bath would have calmed me right down so Mom doesn't even go there with her. The girl's cute little pony tail is now hanging limply off the side of her head with the bow unraveled, her shirt is unbuttoned, her lipstick is smeared and her mascara is obviously not waterproof since she now looks a lot like a raccoon. I couldn't care less, after all I got my nails groomed, I didn't kill anybody and I just want my after grooming treat. The girl is pretty shaky and Mom is afraid she will drop me so Mom moves in to get me off the table and get my treat.

Then....it was beautiful....Mom slams the girl with "You did such a great job, I am going to ask for you personally when I bring Lola back.  She is going to need her anal glands expressed next time too."

Maybe she will think twice about telling any pug Mom that she worries too much.

 

On my way to initiate the new groomer. 

 *Note from Mom* A car accident claimed the life of someone in my immediate family late Thursday night, I have not been able to read or comment on all your blogs but I hope to catch up today. If I don't comment on each blog please understand.