Kidnappers and Pumpkin Pie

What a weekend! Our company came and wonder of wonders they didn't even notice the clean carpet Mom obsessed so over last week. But they brought gifts! That was the important thing. I got a new lambie and a new green "Something". Mom says she will fill me in whenever she figures out what the hell it is suppose to be. Tucker got stuff too, but really who wants to hear about him? My Boy got some new game for that loud ass XBox he plays and it has even more death and destruction than the first part of the game did. Mom thinks he may be in training to be the next serial killer or interstate sniper to hit the newspapers. She says he is a Nancy Grace story just waiting to happen. Mom got gifts too. I find it amusing that she didn't analyze those gifts a little better. I think there was a personal message behind them. Either that or my Sissy is enabling Mom.  Anyway, Sissy bought her a new robe so now she can lay around the house in fuzz trimmed in satin instead of snowflakes. This is better, how? She also got some very expensive perfume. We all know you can't lay around the house stinking up everything. Somehow she just feels less lazy and more attractive when she sprays a little perfume on before taking up residence on the couch for the day. I say a bum is a bum no matter how you try to fancy her up!

There was some excitement here Friday night. The turkey tried to kill Mom. At least that is what I saw. It was in the oven and the house was smelling all pugalicious. About 3am Mom decides to go antagonize the turkey and it fought back. She pulled it out of the oven, pulled back the shiny stuff and poured some hot broth over it. Must have pissed that turkey off about right because as she was putting it back in the oven the pan tilted, the hot broth poured over both of Mom's feet, Mom screamed, Sissy thought she was being attacked by mysterious kitchen monsters and came running, she slipped in the grease on the floor and fell. Tucker and I are in heaven and having a floor licking contest all around the both of them. Mom looks at Sissy and Sissy looks back and they both just lay back on the greasy floor and dissolve into very loud laughter. This is when Sissy's fiance comes into the picture. He looks at the both of them and the mess and you can almost hear him thinking "This is what I am marrying into?". I am telling you the man had a look of pure fear on his face. Mom said he would probably sneak out before we all woke up the next morning never to be heard from again. He didn't, he was still there and I am sure he just can't wait to have Christmas with us.

The next day we loaded up all that pugalicious food and we went to Sissy #2's house for dinner. She gets #2 status in my book because she is a cat person. It's our family's dirty little secret, something we don't admit in public. I had pumpkin pie with whippy, I enjoyed it even if  The Thanksgiving Scrooge didn't give me the crust that should have come with it. I also had turkey. I almost hated to eat that turkey since I did admire it so much for putting up such a good fight the night before. But after all I am a pug and my admiration can only go so far. I also got some green beans and some sweet potato casserole, ole' Turkey Scrooge took the nuts off the top of that too. She said nuts are only good for causing trouble. She said she was NOT referring to her ex louse but I'm not so sure. After dinner and more visiting Mom, My Boy,  Sissy and Sissy's fiance came back to our house and settled in to watch movies. I just layed around the rest of the night and shared my essence in the form of farts with everyone close to me. But so did Mom (even though she did tried to be sneaky with it, ole' Tuck would stick up his nose and give her away every time) which may be the reason we were the only two laying on the big couch and everyone else opted for the floor. Me and Mom. We are a good pair. We get each other.

I did live under the threat of kidnapping for four days. Sissy and her fiance said they were going to steal me because I am so cute and cuddly. I must admit I was very impressed with all the body massages, toys, treats and kisses I got from those two! Not to mention I could do no wrong, everything I did they thought was so funny and cute. Of course I really showed off too knowing I had such a captive audience. They even made excuses for me a couple of times when I got in trouble. I'm pretty sure Mom didn't really buy the story that Sissy is the one that actually knocked the trash can over and licked the inside of all the cans that were in it.  I also don't think she believed that Sissy was the one that brought the dirty underwear into the living room and left it in the middle of the floor while company was here either. But it was nice of her to take the rap for me. They tried to sneak me out when they were leaving but Mom caught them. I had to stay with Mom, you all know her history, who else is going to appreciate and love her sluggish ways like I do?

It's all good.

Sissy likes to hold me, she says I am like holding a rag doll. Notice the tongue? I was getting sleepy.

She forced me to take this picture. The evidence is the blurry foot, I was trying to make my get away.

I give in, I'm too sleepy to fight the camera anymore.

Finding it hard to hold my head up. Why won't these people let me go to sleep?!

Nothing like a pug massage to relax you!

I can just sense it, she is moving in to kiss me...

Pretty sure she is admiring my beauty here...

She gives up and rocks me to sleep...

Now she is getting ready to lay down and cuddle with me. I love me some cuddles!

Preparing For Company=Crazier Than Usual Mom

Because Mom was too lazy to take a new picture of me today, you get a repeat.

It's no secret that my Mom is just not quite right about 99.9% of the time, it's just something we have learned to live with. But the last few days have been about as close to "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" as you can get around here. She hasn't even blogged.  So today I will attempt to catch you up. We are having company for turkey week and Mom says we have to prepare. I guess you just can't take the chance on people knowing how you REALLY live so in the human world they initiate a massive cover up mission. As for myself I don't really care. All I worry about is if they bring me treats when they come. They don't bring treats then they deserve to have to look at my turds on the potty pads all day. It's just basic manners, you never come without bringing the pug something to eat or play with.  Everybody knows that.  It all started on Friday.

Friday: Nurse Ratched gets up Friday already in a pissy mood. She gets dressed, I know that is hard to believe, but do scrubs and crocs really count? She flies out the door and comes back. She forgot her purse. She flies out the door and comes back. She forgot her reading glasses. She flies out the door and comes back. She forgot her phone. She flies out the door and doesn't come back. Since she didn't return for it I can only assume she left it on the coffee table for my chewing pleasure. I ate the stethoscope. You guys have to get you one of those things, man was it fun! Later she comes back and she is complaining about a stupid pharmacist that didn't know his scheduled drug list, wasted time, her favorite ER dr not being happy with the stupid pharmacist either, the rain, the traffic, her lunch order being messed up. She didn't have a good day. We all have them, get over it Mom. Fortunately for me it took her a few hours to notice the stethoscope. Mom wasn't happy, she said it was going to take a whole lot of treat money to replace it. What?! I have to pay for it? No way should I be the one that has to pay for it out of my treat money. I didn't leave it out. I'm going to discuss this with my Sissy's fiance when he gets here, he is an attorney and I am beginning to see I am going to need some legal representation over this one.

Saturday: Oh Lord, the woman got it in her head to clean carpets. Do you know what a carpet cleaner or vacuum does to me? Might as well give me some crack, I go crazy. Double whammy. She is going to vacuum before she cleans it. So Mom and I vacuum the house. She pushes the thing around and my job is to howl, scream and attack it until she is finished. Tucker, not being the brightest crayon in the box, only barks at the thing when it is turned off. He tucks tail and hides while it is on. Out comes the fun wet part! You can really slide on the kitchen floor when you have just ran across wet carpet so I am excited. Mom gets it all ready, furniture is moved out of the way, shampoo in the machine and we are all set. Then...nothing. Silence. The stupid thing won't come on and has trapped all that lovely bubbly water in it's stomach. I wanted it to vomit that water up and I wanted it to do it right then! It didn't. So Mom has to have it fixed and the fun is put off for another day. Good news is My Boy fixed it that night. We turn our attention to laundry instead.

Sunday: Pick up day! I don't quite get this concept of picking up so you can clean up, isn't it really the same thing? Why does it have to have it's own label? I'm thinking it's so Mom can say she did two things instead of one making it sound like she worked a lot harder than she actually did. That way she has an excuse for going out to eat. I don't like "out to eats" because I don't get to go and Miss Piggy isn't that great about leaving any food on the plate to bring home to me. Oh, she tries to blame it on the food, saying Mexican food isn't good for me anyway. Hello? I enjoy a good chili relleno too you know! So off they went to go eat. Wouldn't you know it, she comes home and declares she is now too full to do anything else. Who else saw that one coming? I could have pointed out to her that IF she had left a little on her plate for me then she wouldn't have been so full. Instead I just look at her in disgust and go chew on my de-stuffed chicken. Unlike her, I will just have to pretend there is meat on those floppy chicken legs. Life can be so unfair for a pug.

Monday: She leaves the house again and this time manages to actually leave without her usual "coming backs". She is gone and gone and gone. Big Brother, aka the video cam, watches my every move while she is gone. I really hate those smart phones that give her the ability to see what I am doing while she is gone. She ever figures out how to make that thing portable I am in big trouble! She threatens to put a collar on me and duct tape the camera to me. I think I can fight her off. When she comes home it is a wonderous sight! She has been to the grocery store. There isn't much I like better than Mom coming home from the grocery store. There are bags and bags of foodables everywhere, it's almost as good as going to Pet Smart. Then she tells me the groceries are for turkey dinner and not for me. Broke my heart. You would think the wench could throw a pickle in my direction or something. Anything. Did she really have to be that rude about it? My Boy saved the day, he had got me a big ole' box of my favorite thing in the world. Cheez-It's!!!! Yeah, I know what your thinking, but it's really just a technicality that Mom actually paid for them. What counts is My Boy remembered my Cheez-It's!

Tuesday: She says today is the day. Today we are going to really start getting this place in order because we are running out of time and our company will be here on Wednesday night. I really don't know who she thinks she is fooling. I mean, these people grew up in this house with Mom, they know she always frantically cleans before company comes. She isn't going to fool them into thinking it is ALWAYS this clean and shiny. They know better. Does she think someone zaps their brains when they grow up and move out?  Clearing out all those memories they have of having to participate in the "before company cleaning frenzy" when they were still at home? Just when the hell did these kids become company anyway?

On the bright side we have nice clean carpets for me to mess up again. I love getting that bone marrow from my bones on the carpet!