Saturday, November 5, 2011

I Am Going to Need Serious Therapy...

She is NOT putting anything on my napping table, I will guard it with my life!

Hopefully this will not be the end of me, I have my doubts.  Today is going to do me in, I can feel it.  My Boy was smart, he got out of here as soon as he woke up this morning.  I can only hope he realizes that to return to this house today will put his sanity in jeopardy.  It's my Mom.  I fear it is going to be this way until Christmas is over..

My Boy and I get up today to boxes, a lot of boxes.  The crazy wench has drug out the Christmas decorations!  I have not even basked in the glory of Thanksgiving food yet and she is wanting to light this place up like a brothel with flashing lights.  I destroyed two strands trying to save us from this travesty.  She only smiled and reassured me she could get more, no big deal.  No Big Deal?!  Any other time the woman would be all over me for chewing something up.  She is either drunk or has totally lost her mind.  I'm sure of it.

I go to my beloved fireplace to check out "Other Pug", I do this every morning just to make sure he knows his place and stays there.  What do I see?  Baubles and pine branches, everywhere.  Who in their right mind drapes tree branches on a fireplace?  I also want to know who sat around one day and thought "I know what would make those tree limbs look great.  Red velvet bows!"  I give out a few barks to protest but I can see the look in her eyes.  She is not giving in, she is going to take this all the way and we can't control her.  It's scary.

Next, I saunter into the kitchen to get my breakfast and right beside my bowl is a fat man in a red suit.  Now, I am not about sharing some food with anybody and this guy looks like he really likes food.  I launch an all out screaming attack on the guy.  She is trying to tell me he is nice, he gives gifts.  So why is he hanging around my food bowl then?  Shouldn't he be somewhere else handing out those gifts?  I think she may be having an affair with this guy and she is covering for him.  Has she seen that beer belly on him?  The guy hasn't seen a razor in years and I bet his underwear isn't all that clean either.  Not my cuppa tea.  She moved him away from my food bowl but I will keep a close watch on this guy, I don't trust any man that wears red velvet and white fur.  I much prefer Father Christmas, now that is a distinguished looking gentleman!

On the bright side there are lots of pretty glass things on all the tables.  I can't wait for her to go someplace so I can check these things out, up close and personal.  Then she threatened me.  The woman actually threatened me!  Said if I touch a single one of them she will send me to the crate.  Yes, she said it, the C R A T E word.  She needs her mouth washed out with soap, or the fat man's fur.

Who knew fake snow could fly so far when you sneeze on it?  Kinda neat.  Good thing I got such enjoyment out of that one time because now Mom has moved it out of reach so I can't do it again.

I decide to check out the big box in the living room floor.  This insane woman has brought a tree in the house! Why would anyone put a tree in the house?  I almost wish I was a boy so I could pee on it, just to teach her a lesson.  Guess I will just have to wait until she gets it up and squat on the fancy skirt she puts around it.  Because so many trees have those fancy skirts on them in the wild so it looks totally natural that way.  Throw those ball things and lights on it and you would never know your not in the forest somewhere.

If the woman finds Christmas Crackers in this country I am outta here!  They scare the bejeezus out of me!

Thank God she finally got tired and My Boy has convinced her to wait another week. So we are getting ready to snuggle on the couch and Mom says I can have a cookie!  Wait....oh no....she went on a Hallmark recording spree last night and says we have a ton of holiday movies to watch today.  She better cough up more than one cookie if she expects me to sit through this sappy crap!    God help me.

Insanity is such a cruel disease.


  1. Holy crap! Your mom caught that XmasJackasseryBug early this year eh?

    Not sure we have a solution for you (sorry). Mom walked into Fashion Bug today and they were playing Xmas music REALLYLOUDLY. She wanted to jam a pen into her ear just to make it stop. I'm glad she didn't....I would have been stuck in the car in the parking lot with my farty human brother for a LONG time.

    That would totally suck.


  2. Oh goodness, Lola! What are you going to do? As long as the decorations don't interfere with eating, treat getting, or toy playing though I think you'll be fine. Just remember that Christmas means lots of treats and presents. So as long as Thanksgiving isn't canceled, just go with it!

  3. Lola, I think all that Christmas stuff is way way too early! I will not take down pumpkin stuff and fall stuff until at least Thanksgiving evening...that's when Christmas decorating starts. And yes, having that fat guy in the red suit right by your food bowl, now that's just wrong! You sure better get more than one cookie for all this!

  4. Hi Lola, My Mum is the same, she has been begging my Dad to get the Christmas box of decorations down from the attic for days now, Dad says its far too early but Mum gets a little crazy around the holidays too, the same as your Mom, she likes to put up the Christmas decorations and get out all the Christmas movies, we have to watch "A Golden Christmas", "Will you Merry Me?", "Elf" and "Fred Clause" at least twice before December!! Having Santa by your food bowl is a step too far, maybe you should nibble on him, he may taste good?? I destroyed the singing snowman Mum had by the door last year! Hee,Hee! (Evil laugh)and I like to hit the baubles off the lower branches of the tree and play with them like balls and then nibble on them! Mum caught me with glitter all over my Puggy chops last year! I hope she doesn’t drive you crazy! Love and Phugs Frank xxxxxxxxx