Watching Mom...

Reality is really setting in. I can only assume when Mom said she was not cooking dinner today that she really means it. There are no smells coming from the kitchen and she says it's McDonald's for us tonight because she is being lazy today. Personally I thought she was lazy yesterday, but she disagrees. She says she actually got dressed yesterday and doesn't intend to do so today. So that makes her less lazy today? I say pancake ass is pancake ass no matter how you try to spin it!

A while back I watched and gave play by play on Tucker's activities for an hour. Today let's do Mom, although I fear she isn't going to be any more exciting than he was. The times are going to be a little "ishy" because even knowing I had to do my blog today the woman was too lazy to pay attention to the time. I did her laundry for her the other day and now she expects me to tell time too!?

7am-ish to 7:30am-ish: She rolls out of bed mumbling that it is way to early. Is she serious?! I haven't had a bite of food since I went to bed last night, this is NOT early! Being on the slimmer side of pugishness she knows I need to eat on time. That 2 am snack last night did not count. She stumbles to the bathroom, avoiding the mirror, very wise move on her part, and peed. Loudly, which triggered the wake cycle of Turdley Tucker. Great so now HE is up and will think he needs his seizure medicine before I get my food. I was right, she gave the little banshee his pill first.

7:30am-ish to 8:30am-ish: Finally, some food for me and coffee for her. She heads to the computer desk, taking Turdley Tucker with her so I won't have him as the second course for breakfast. I will wait, someday she is going to forget to take him and he will be mine. I finish my lovely breakfast and go looking for Mom to see what wonderful things she has planned today. There she is in all her glory, sitting on the couch, eyes half closed, wearing that ridiculous snowflake robe. The woman never even made it as far as the computer! I dance, I prance, I flip, I flop and get no response at all. I am pulling out every pug trick I know, being as cute as I can possibly be and still she just sits there. The only movement coming from her is the occasional jerk of the head when she dozes off and her chin hits her chest.

8:30am-ish to 9:30am-ish: That last head jerk was a doozy, even scared ole' Tucker, they did a tandem jerk. Made my day! She goes to get more coffee and this time makes it to the computer, snowflake robe still intact, only now I notice the PeeWee Herman sleep pants and T-shirt she has on under it. The divorce is starting to make more sense to me.

9:30am-ish to 10:30am-ish: She manages to get the computer turned on and then starts for the kitchen, she says she is hungry. I don't want to believe what I am seeing, I really don't. But there is it, right in front of me. No denying it. The woman is actually going to eat cold spaghetti! She walked right past that microwave like it wasn't even there and went back to the computer. I refuse to sit at her feet, the law of averages just tells me she is going to throw this mess up and I don't want to be in the line of fire. Tucker just may get his due sitting there in her lap. Oh great, now we have a spaghetti noodle stuck to PeeWee's face! No fear, Turdley Tucker does his best PeeWee Herman impersonation and sucks it right up. She reads her email. Manages to pay a couple of bills online and talks to Grammy on the phone. I do notice she doesn't bother to tell Grammy that she is still in her pj's and eating cold spaghetti. Understandable, I wouldn't be so proud of that either.

10:30am-ish to 11:30am-ish: She spends the next hour adding all her new pug friends on FB, joking around with Salinger's and Wilma's Mom on FB. I am going to have to ask Sal and Wilma what a pimp is. She does manage to carry her plate back to the kitchen during this time. I was a little surprised that she took the time to actually run the dishwasher though, considering how busy she is today. This woman really needs to go back to work! Still in that fantastic snowflake robe. She has added some furry green slippers to her attire now. Did I mention the snowflake robe is purple? Not even close to matching on the color scale. With each new addition she is starting to look more and more like she is auditioning for Sesame Street.

11:30am-ish to 12:30pm-ish: We have rolled over to the pm side of the clock and she still isn't dressed, informed us that not only is she NOT cooking or getting dressed today but that she intends to slug out in front of the TV this afternoon. She is going to send My Boy to McDonald's and the grocery store when he gets home. Now she says she is going to catch up on her  "Real Housewives of Atlanta", "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and the "American Horror Story" that she has on DVR. I'm sure she watches them for the intellectual properties they offer.

So there you have it, my Mom's lazy day(s). Can't you just imagine how exciting the rest of the day is going to be around here? Oh well at least it is lunch time for me!

On the bright side I did find a leaf in the floor this morning to play with:

See it? Right there in the corner of the picture...

I sniff it....

Push it around a little bit...

Watch to make sure it isn't going to attack me...

And then move in for the kill....